


Call Me Up Take Me Down

by Tyndarid_divinity



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 04:22:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28897317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tyndarid_divinity/pseuds/Tyndarid_divinity
Summary: “Don’t,” Jonny hissed out, slamming down his empty water bottle, feeling it crunch under his fingers. “Don’t come here and tell me it’s been a rough year. I had to deal with shit from Lindsey and deal with shit from Stan and fucking Colliton, all the while you were off doing who knows what the fuck.”“Amanda was having a baby! And there was a fucking pandemic going on. What do you think I was doing? Jesus, you’re on a tear. Jonny, what’s going on?”
Relationships: Patrick Kane & Jonathan Toews
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	Call Me Up Take Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> After lurking in the blackhawks/1988 fandom for two years, I suddenly had an idea for an epic story. Unfortunately I don't actually know how to write anything, but I figured I had to at least give it a shot. Here is the first scene I wrote (fits somewhere in the middle of the story), and it turned out plotless. Currently unknown whether I am capable of writing anything besides character studies. Anyways, criticism and advice are more than welcome.
> 
> Plus, I promise I took English classes in school and read a reasonable amount but then suddenly how to grammar?

“What the fuck is wrong with you?" Patrick demanded, barging in as soon as Jonny opened the door. He ripped his mask off and threw it aside.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Jonny asked, annoyed. He’d been trying to nap and had finally dozed off when the pounding at the door jerked him awake.

“I mean,  _ asshole.  _ How are you gonna let me find out that you’re out  _ indefinitely _ from a fucking press release? Man, I thought I’d deserve a little more warning than that. Or did you think that reporters wouldn’t come asking me what the deal is?” Patrick snapped. “As if I need any more attention from paps right now.”

Oh. Jonny hadn’t thought of that.

“Right. Sorry about that. Where’s your baby?” Jonny asked, stalling.

Patrick waved his hand impatiently. “Home with Mands. Obviously. Jonny, I’m not kidding. What’s wrong? Is it a concussion? What are the symptoms? Are you seeing a psychiatrist?”

Jonny frowned and tried to brush Patrick aside. “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t give you more of a heads up, but you’re also not my doctor okay? We’re figuring it out.”

“Are you?” Patrick snaked out a hand to grab his wrist. “Figuring it out I mean. Paulie says you haven’t been working with him. So that would be the first time you skipped working out in, like, ever. And indefinitely sounds pretty bad, Jonny.”

Jonny reared back, instantly feeling defensive. “What, are you checking up on me now? Fuck you - I know how it sounds. I know how it fucking  _ feels _ , Kaner. You think I wouldn’t play if I could?” He wrenched his hand out of Patrick’s grip. “I fucking know how it looks. Oh, ‘Lundqvist had heart surgery and Jonathan Toews needs a nap’. Like this is some dumb ploy to get first draft pick.”

Patrick’s face fell. “Jonny - nobody thinks - you know I didn’t mean that. You’re just, kind of scaring us.”

“ _ Us _ ?”

“Oh, well, you know, Duncs, Seabs, and me. Sharpy said he texted you a bunch of times and you never called him back?” At least Patrick had the decency to look a little guilty.

“Oh fucking great. Good to know you assholes are getting together to talk about me. Jesus, a guy can’t take a single minute for himself.” Jonny stalked into the kitchen, leaving Patrick in the living room with his mouth gaping.

“We’re just  _ worried _ about you, Jon. Why are you mad?” Patrick asked, trailing after him.

Jonny scoffed, threw open his refrigerator door and grabbed out two bottles of water. He practically hurled one at Patrick before cracking the other one open and chugging it in one go. 

Patrick crossed his arms, looking unimpressed. “Look, why don’t we go out for a walk or something? You just need to get your head on right. It’s been a rough year for everyone and -”

“Don’t,” Jonny hissed out, slamming down his empty water bottle, feeling it crunch under his fingers. “Don’t come here and tell me it’s been a rough year. I had to deal with shit from Lindsey and deal with shit from Stan and fucking Colliton, all the while you were off doing who knows what the fuck.”

“Amanda was having a baby! And there was a fucking pandemic going on. What do you think I was doing? Jesus, you’re on a tear. Jonny, what’s going on?”

“Oh yeah, talk about finding things out in a fucking press release. Great to hear you had a surprise baby. Thanks for that heads up,” Jonny said meanly. “You know what, it’s fine, Kaner. You don’t owe me anything, so why don’t you get the fuck out of my apartment and I’ll see you when I ‘get my head on right.’”

Patrick didn’t respond and when Jonny looked up, he saw that Patrick was staring at him, mouth open.

“No way.”

“What?”

“I fucking  _ knew  _ it,” Patrick breathed out.

“Fucking knew  _ what _ ?” Jonny snapped. What had he said? But now Patrick stepped forward, eyes narrowed, getting into Jonny’s space.

“You’re kidding me. This is why you didn’t tell me you’re sick? You’re actually pissed about my baby?”

“Wait, what the fuck, where did you get that from?” Jonny asked, bewildered. He reached out to push Patrick away but Patrick knocked his hands aside.

“I can’t believe you, you fucking  _ liar _ . You said you were happy for me!” Patrick gave him a hard shove and Jonny stumbled back. Another shove.

“I...I was. I mean, I am!” Jonny said faintly.

“No you’re not, you psycho. I can’t believe it! You’re actually mad at me for having a baby when you broke up with Lindsey!”

“Wha-” Jonny couldn’t think of anything to say. Patrick wasn’t right, was he? But Patrick seemed to take his silence as an admission of guilt.

“You fucking jealous asshole. You’re really taking your break up out on me? On the team?” Patrick shoved him again.

“Wait, Kaner, slow down. What?” Jonny felt dazed. “What does Lindsey have to do with any of this?”

“That’s what this is about! You’re fucking mad that Mands and I had a baby and didn’t tell you. News flash, she’s been pregnant since February.”

“No, no  _ wait  _ -”

“And you didn’t say shit about being sick or Lindsey at play-offs either. So screw you, Tazer. You don’t get to be on my case for not keeping in touch when I actually have shit going on. Meanwhile you’re wallowing in your fucking bachelor pad missing that pathetic rat-dog -”

“Don’t talk about Betsy like that,” Jonny interrupted automatically.

“Bets - what?” Patrick gaped at him and for a moment looked like he was about to laugh. He didn’t, but all the same, his anger seemed to dissipate a little.

Jonny was still thinking. He thought he’d mostly felt relieved when things with Linds finally burned out. But could Patrick be right?

“Look, whatever. I don’t get it, Jon. If you’re mad then why did you come visit? We talked about it. You seemed...okay.”

Jonny sighed and closed his eyes. “I wasn’t...I’m not  _ mad _ . I’m really not.”

Patrick snorted.

“Okay but I guess you’re not totally wrong either.”

“Explain, then.” Patrick crossed his arm and leaned back against the kitchen counter.

Jonny chewed on the inside of his cheek for a while, thinking. “I guess I got really used to us being on the same page. But this summer, when I started getting some symptoms and Lindsey ended things, things just felt really fucking awful and...lonely I guess. And the quarantine just made things worse. Kaner, we’ve gone through so much at the same time that now when I look at you I feel old and alone and broken down. And then fucking guilty for feeling that way.”

Patrick made a noise like he was going to protest, but Jonny pushed on. 

“I’m just like, tired, you know? Like somehow hockey took everything out of me.”

_ Like it took you, _ Jonny wanted to say.

“Jonny what are you saying? Hockey  _ is  _ everything. You’ve gotta know that.” Patrick looked pained. “We  _ agreed _ -”

“I know, I know.” Jonny shrugged. “I guess I thought I did. Or at least I used to agree. But it isn’t for you, you know? And it’s not for Duncs, or Shawzy, or Stromer.”

“Wait, is that what this is about? You want a kid?” Patrick asked, bewildered. “Did Lindsey know this? Were you guys going to try? Jonny if you want a kid there are still ways to like, foster, or I dunno -”

Jonny shook his head. “It’s not about like, having a legacy or anything.”

Patrick snorted extra loudly at that, and Jonny pushed his hand against his face in retaliation.

“You know what I mean. I don’t know how to explain it. Of course I love playing with kids, but I get to see plenty of them. It’s more like, at the end of the day, when I don’t have hockey anymore, I thought I’d have more to show for my life than cups and rings.”

Patrick brushed Jonny’s hand away and leaned in to push his finger up against Jonny’s forehead, poking at his frown wrinkles. “Leave it to Captain Serious to have a mid-life crisis at 32. Jonny, look around you, you idiot. You think all you have are trophies? I know that’s not why you play hockey and you know it too.”

Jonny jumped a bit at Patrick’s touch, but something warm also seemed to begin to bloom within him. Something foreign and familiar at the same time. “Tell me.”

Patrick thought for a moment, then took a deep breath. “You play because skating is like breathing, you know? Because for people like us, being on ice is the same as being alive. You play for the moments when you feel like you’re going to throw up from exhaustion but suddenly you see where the puck is gonna go and you see how the d-man’s going to move and time almost stands still. The puck is practically stuck to your tape and no one between you and that net has a snowball’s chance in hell of stopping you.”

Jonny closed his eyes at Patrick’s words. He could almost feel it. “Keep going,” he whispered.

Patrick brought his other hand up to Jonny’s face and rubbed gently at his temples. Jonny felt tension he didn’t even know he had rush out of him. “You play because despite the aches and bruises, despite the injuries and concussions, you know that that smelly locker room and those dumb idiots are a home away from home. You’ve gotta know that,” Patrick said determinedly. “That beyond the shitty paparazzi and the exhausting rock star lifestyle and the social media bullshit, when you step onto the ice with your team -  _ your  _ team - all of that goes away and all that’s left is you and me. And the guys that have our backs.”

Jonny opened his eyes to see that Patrick’s eyes were shining. His face was so,  _ so _ close, Jonny could just... Except there wasn’t anything to say or do besides drawing him into a tight hug.

“Thanks, Peeks,” he murmured, resting his chin easily on Patrick’s shoulder, Patrick’s curls tickling his face. He breathed in the scent that was all Patrick and for a moment he felt settled, secure.

“I’m still mad at you.” But Patrick’s arms came up around him to hug back.

“I know.”

“You’re a selfish asshole.”

“I know.”

“But I do miss you. I miss...us. Being teammates, I mean.”

Jonny gave a half-shrug. “Maybe I’ll give Stan a call about coming to training camp after all.”

“Definitely nope.” Patrick squirmed out of Jonny’s hold to glare at him. “There’s a lot of bullshit going on in that dumb head of yours. You’re not getting back on the ice until you figure it out. Go see a therapist, dude. I’m not kidding.”

Jonny frowned. “Why can’t I just talk to you?”

“Ha! Like I have the time and professional training to deal with your issues, you big baby. I have an actual baby to take care of now,” Patrick scoffed. Jonny squawked in protest and went to wrestle Patrick into a chokehold but Patrick sidestepped him easily.

“Hey, but listen to me.” Patrick grabbed his shoulders and looked straight in his eyes. “Jonny, I’m serious. Take your time to get this right. We need our captain back on ice, but we need him at his best, got it?”

Jonny nodded earnestly. “Got it.” This morning he’d woken up scared and angry and now, well, he was still scared, but with Patrick close by things didn’t seem as insurmountable.

Patrick swallowed thickly and hesitantly reached up to press his palm against Jonny’s cheek. Jonny couldn’t tear his eyes away from Patrick’s. “Jonny. It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay.”

And for the first time in several months, Jonny thought so too.


End file.
